The post The Cancer Is Calling From Inside the House appeared first on Electric Literature.

Watch the accompanying video directed by Josh Sondock & Sam Cutler-Kreutz.

Click on images to enlarge.

The post Plant Care Is Self-Care appeared first on Electric Literature.

The post The Day I Ghosted My Life appeared first on Electric Literature.

The post My Mother Wrote Her Own Ending appeared first on Electric Literature.

The post A Few Thoughts for Flying Romantics appeared first on Electric Literature.

At the beginning of her reading, this lifestyle memoirist announced that she was struggling to quit vaping and, thus, would be chewing nicotine gum that evening. It was clear that her efforts were not going well, however, and during the presentation she fondled her blister pack of Nicorette like it was an opium pipe. When she began chewing her fourth piece, she also lit a yellowing cigarette she said she found beneath a couch cushion. Her final act of transcendence, however, came during the Q&A when a participant asked a question about her mother’s storied political career. The author stood up, disappeared from view, returned with her vaping device, and then smashed it to pieces with a bronze statuette of the Eiffel Tower.

In an astounding example of online disorientation, this so-called language poet forgot that his monitor was not, in fact, a mirror, and picked his teeth on screen for ten minutes as an author discussed her new biography of Gerard Manley Hopkins. Interestingly, three months later, the Hopkins scholar published a somewhat influential article advancing an idea she was labeling “Obligational Privacy,” or the notion that readers have a fundamental right not to know about the personal lives of poets.

This poet surprised everyone by giving himself a manicure during his lecture on enjambments. His fastidious nail care was mesmerizing to all of us, but the bigger surprise came at the end when he swept the clippings off his desk and onto the rug below. There was a clear gasp from the invitees and, remarkably, when he realized the origins of the reaction, he attended to the problem by stepping on the clippings and rubbing them deeper into the rug with his foot.

At the book-talk of a colleague, this YA novelist spent the entire hour lighting things on fire. He seemed extremely curious about the flammability of the objects on his desk and tested everything from his computer keyboard to a Saul Bellow novel. After he ran out of objects, he turned to his body, performing what seemed to be a meticulous examination of pain thresholds of different parts of his hand. His upper wrists, just where they met the hand, couldn’t endure a second of the flame. His fingers, however, seemed impervious to the pain of fire, even when, at one, point, one of his fingers began to smoke.

For fifteen minutes, this writer of historical novels poked an unknown object floating in her mug. There was speculation in the side chat about what the drink and object were.  “Marshmallow/hot-chocolate” and “ice-cube/bourbon” were the most popular choices, although several people suggested “insect.” Amazingly, “insect” was the correct choice. It was a mayfly, which we discovered when she pulled it out, discarded it, then swallowed the mug’s remaining contents. It was agreed by everybody that this last act was clear confirmation of the bourbon theory.

This anthropologist was most famous for a book that advocated “knife games” as one of many ways for young thrill seekers to avoid the dangerous enticements of the online world. He was hated by almost everybody, and his behavior during a Zoom panel seemed to be a kind of visual rebuttal to his critics. Near the end of the hour, he stopped playing his so-called knife game, unmuted himself, and said, “See, totally fucking fine, so fuck you.” He then abruptly logged off the meeting, which was a great relief to everyone.

The post Your Zoom Camera Is Not a Mirror appeared first on Electric Literature.

The post My Family History Isn’t the Ming Dynasty appeared first on Electric Literature.

The post My Inner Compass Points in All Directions appeared first on Electric Literature.

The post The Laundromat Wiki Page Haunts My Dreams appeared first on Electric Literature.

                                                    (Front)

Extrasolar Teas — Xenobiotic teas, grown where they grow, cultivated by their cultivators

Flower of Suhwill

Behold our oldest tea. A sharp, herbaceous cup with a smooth soothing finish sure to assuage your stress and awaken your yeetsu.

(Top)

Our Story

In 2438, Lee Paoder made the discovery of a lifetime. Studying the flora of the Suhwill archipelago, he observed a murmuration of 100,000 Suhwill people. This was the ceremony of Hushueeo, “Yearly Obeisance,” in which all the Queen’s subjects imbibe Flower of Suhwill tea and take flight in the throes of yeetsu.

Paoder fell in love with the tea, but knew it could never grow on Earth. So he founded Extrasolar Teas. Eighty years later, we stand by his belief that xenobiotic teas grow best in their native ecosphere, and machine harvesters are no replacement for our brilliant indigenous workers.

 (Left)

When traditional Suhwill tea masters lost their sight and flight, they would retire from growing tea to serving it. Follow their ancestral wisdom and brew a cup fit for ceremony.

Instructions

1. Heat 6 oz. water to 90º C.

2. Place one Flower of Suhwill on the water’s surface.

3. When the flower sinks, the tea is ready. Sip tranquility.

(Bottom)

The Flower of Suhwill tree is as ingenious as the Suhwill people themselves. The soothing effect it delivers is a natural pesticide which kills insectomorphs and causes an intoxicating addiction in larger, root-devouring vermin. But don’t worry—to humans, it only brings a gentle serenity.

The Old Masters …

Traditional Tea Masters dug tunnels beneath their groves to access the deep roots of the tea tree and gouge them with their beaks. This gouging mimicked the bites of vermin, inducing the trees to synthesize their tranquilizing pesticide in high concentrations.

At midday, when the flowers bloom, the masters would pluck the topmost blossom of each tree.

… And the New

Our daytime harvesters are equipped with protective eye gear, and our root gougers take flight breaks outside the tunnels every two hours. Unlike old tea masters who “lost sight and flight” after a decade of tending grove, our new master cultivators will enjoy long, healthy careers—some may even work their whole lives!

(Right)

Ingredients: FLOWER OF SUHWILL, DUST ORANGE (A PRESERVATIVE).

Better End Certified • Member of Orion Arm Organic • 0 Profit Certified • Graded A+ by UNCEB • Trust in Us Verified • Signatory to the Jakarta Pact • We Hire Indigenous • Rated 3800 on the Orickson Equity Index

Extrasolar Teas is a founding member of the Better End Initiative. Scan here to learn more.

Extrasolar Teas is a proud MATCO company

(Back)

The Extrasolar Commitment

We believe tea can’t be enjoyed if you’re worrying that the workers who grew it were mistreated. That’s why we founded the Better End Initiative, ensuring that indigenous workers always get the better end of the deal. Our indigenous employees are compensated for the full value of their labor +10%, as calculated by the UNCEB networked intelligence. Drink with satisfaction, knowing your money has gone to the right people.

Spotlight on Suhwill

Meet Huotseetsa. She’s a Suhwill mother of seven, and a master root gouger for Extrasolar Teas. Through our partnership with the Kingdom of Suhwill government, her children are guaranteed seats in the Queen’s University and premium healthcare. Not to mention, Huotseetsa is never short on Flower of Suhwill—all our Suhwill employees take home three flowers every day, culled from the most vital and potent flowers of the harvest.

(Individual Packets)

Party all day

Though the Suhwill are nocturnal, they make special exception for ceremony days

Powering Suhwill

For every thousand boxes of tea we sell, we donate one MATCO receiver plant to the Kingdom of Suhwill

Bigger than M-Day

The largest murmuration of Suhwill ever contained 537,000 individuals

New Masters

Traditional tea masters plucked 400-500 flowers per day. A skilled Extrasolar harvester can pluck up to 800!

Untranslatable

Yeetsu, meaning “surrender” or “docility,” is the state of carefree calm which millions of Suhwill achieve on ceremony days

Forbidden Temptation

Traditional tea masters were forbidden from drinking the tea they spent their lives growing and serving

(Catalog Insert)

The Extrasolar Bulletin

Mountain Centenar — We can’t get enough of our latest discovery. Grown only in the polar mountains of Centenar, this spicy, invigorating loose-leaf is your perfect morning wake-up, and a great mid-day energy boost too. Scan to purchase

Branch-dried Chat*a — The Ina’’grasa people have been perfecting this sophisticated fermented tea for millennia. Enjoy it cold and taste the secret delicacy the Ina’’grasa have hidden away all along. Scan to purchase

Orion Arm Medley — A new blend of our favorite dried-leaf teas, including smoky Black Chat*a, herbal Illi Long, and sweet floral Golden Tsee. Scan to purchase

What’s new?

This year we celebrate our 80^th anniversary by giving back to the people who’ve brought us this far—our brilliant indigenous workers. Starting this Spring, all Extrasolar farmers will receive lifetime supplies of Flower of Suhwill and a MATCO Home Brewer to match. Drink up, Extrasolar family—you’ve earned it!

About the Illustrator

Leanne Renee is a Cuban American illustrator who has been telling stories for over a decade now and will continue to do so even with whiskers and wrinkles.

The post No One Was Exploited in the Production of this Space Tea appeared first on Electric Literature.